It's completely impossible to find a girl that won't hurt me. So I'll instead go for the girl who will make the pain worthwhile

Sunday, May 31, 2009

5/31/2009 09:25:00 PM

kays, 2nd post today, first was at VE, lol, now im home. well, today's finally one of e happy days i had since 23 days ago. kinda stupid way to feel happy but yea? i had no choice. it's my only way i feel.

arnd 1pm, i cabbed down to office to do a training, but e guy didnt come. !@#$%& !!! waste of my time, i saw nobody there so i wanted to went off when i saw dominic came. haha, we had a good talk and he showed me some videos before i left. haha, i left around 6 plus, went for a haircut, then i headed home. look so handsome now. LOL =x

hello short hair! =D

my beard is growing. =x

and guess what happened when i reach home? this was sent to my house. lol, during those emo days, really spent too much till my credit card died. lol. and e bill was sent to my hse instead. =/

waa.. LOL. exploded!! =x

some of the poor lil fishes caught by me, they died in my hands. HAHAHA =D

well, i kinda like understand life better now after a talk with many people around me. hmm, let's start with myself. lol, i talked to myself. and this is not being retarded or what. Now think about it.. who is the one that u talked to the most everyday? it's you urself. so it's normal okay!! lol.

i started to like live life in my own illusion in order to make myself feel lots better and happy. yeah wad i did was to lie to myself, i imagined and visualised e future, the things we gonna do together, like outings, having meals together etc etc.. i keep thinking about the happy moments when she was with me, imaginating myself bringing her up to e place where she wanted to go most, singapore flyer, and we take pics together, having meals together, chalet with her friends, we played games, we were like so loving.... i feel kind of a retard lying to myself, but when i just think of being happy together with her, it makes me feel alot better. those who played dota u should know what's called owning, and she really OWN my life. just can't forget about her, and only lying to myself, was the only way, though it's not gonna come true.

while thinking of all this unrealistic future happy moments, i listened to a song by Jason Marz called im yours. kinda meaningful and i really feel like.. i'm hers. i mean if i'm fated not to be hers, we werent even met or get together with each other for 110 days. it's all fate. and im hers? haha, though im single now, but im not available coz only me, will want her coz im hers. lol.

Let's move on to what dominic showed me, he showed me some videos, and i thought about life. which is what we pirortise most of e time. he educated me that in life, we will never be happy, just doing one thing. let me elaborate Mr Blogspot.

In e past, for the last 2 years, all i pirortise was work. work work and work. nothing can get me off my work. when i wake up in the morning, it's VE, when i get home late at night to sleep and wake up again, It's VE. i didnt realise that around me, there are more things that i should treasure and prolly that's the reason why i lost her. it's because of the stress and work sometimes that made me flare my anger, changed my attitude and character 180 degrees, till i become like a different person. i regretted it. It was 100% my fault that i didnt manage to attach and detach, work is work, play is play. i dumped all feelings into everything i did which screw my my whole life. Till now, i felt that something was missing in my life and prolly because of work, i lost everything. Work wasnt what i should pirortise the most actually though it's important and it's my career.

i realised today that in order to live life to the fullest, we must be able to multi-task. i mean it's okay to work, and it's also okay to love what. what's wrong with loving and working at the same time? does that mean that when i love, i cannot work? NO! yeah no point talking about this now, caused i alrd lost everything but i still wanna vent my anger over here. i mean its all about time management right? i can't possibly work 24/7. having a meal with her, accompanying her for a day won't die right? time management!! i forgotten about it.

YES THIS IS THE KEY. BELOW THIS PARAGRAPH!!

Only when u have the things ur heart ponders for, u'll feel happy, and when u feel happy, can i say that we can do better at work or wadever we're dealing with cause of the happy feeling? making us concentrate better? knowing that someone's waiting just for us to do well, supporting us behind, loving us? i felt that forcing myself to work, neglecting her, will not be happy at all, cause my heart ponders for her and i should be with her, not at work. only when my heart feels happy, i can work at ease and do even better.

priortising on something too much wasnt the answer, it's about managing time and multi tasking, having enough time for everything.

god gave us 24 hrs a day for a reason. 8 hours to sleep, 8 hours to work or study, 2 hours of transportation, 2 hours of meal, 2 hours of slack, and 2 hours of spending time maybe with our love ones. But the question is, do we really sleep 8 hours a day? study 100% 8 hours a day? do we only slack 2 hours? hahaha, if u realised, we have lots of extra time, just that we don't realised it, and we didnt make full use of it. i finally got this logic right. =)

though lying to myself to make myself happy is stupid, but i feel... that's the only thing i can do right now..

If I wasn't meant to be yours, why will God let us meet in the first place? why will God planned for us to be together and had happy moments?

In order to be happy, let your heart speak, and not the devil inside you.

taikib0i