It's completely impossible to find a girl that won't hurt me. So I'll instead go for the girl who will make the pain worthwhile

Thursday, June 4, 2009

6/04/2009 01:18:00 AM

well, i thought of a few posts today, but i'll make all into one so this is gonna be a very long one, and the last thing i wanna say today may not be pleasant for the eyes, or the ears to listen, but i feel i still gotta say it, cause i want to make my stand as well.

i woke up around 1pm, and my bro dragged me to play maple with him, wad the? lol. i gamed with him till 3pm then i went preparing to go office, to VE. cause we had a meeting at 7pm and i was glad there was quite alot of good news, and they're definitely gonna help me in my business. headed home around 11pm, and there i am, over here blogging. And and, when i was bathing, i realised it wasnt the skinny me anymore, when i soaped myself, i feel damn happy. cause i feel so muscular, hahaha! days at e gym werent wasted at all, im proud of my body now, but i wont paste my half naked photo here, cause it's like damn off? haha. =)

and when i got home, my mum sent me this sms. "since u r so rebellious and not taking your exam, i will not provide for you anymore, everything on your own even do the clothings on your own. after buy house alrd no place to stay and i have nothing left, you are not helping but giving me problem." so i guess, she's kicking me out of the house soon, preferbably, now u understand why i say i have no love ones in the world now. she's just being damn bias cause i have no cert. my interests wasnt at studying anyway? i'm a business minded person and definitely i'm going to show her i'll do better than my sis though she's holding a masters. big deal?

lot's of feelings came into me today, and guess what? i almost didn't sleep for the whole of last night, though i was lying down on my bed after 4.15 i guess? i did lots of self-reflection and i'm gonna say everything out here, i'm going to be damn straightforward as well, and if people who view my blog think u can't take it, then stop here. cause i wanna be harsh on my words.

I thought about what happened during the past 26 days. i feel stupid i guess? fancy a 20yr old guy like me crying over a turning 17 yr old girl because she left me? being so pushy and panky about asking her to give me a chance? begging her like nobody's business? felt really like a retard.

i felt as a guy like me, i've alrd did what i should as a good bf, u know? to take care of her, and love her all this while. to even change myself so much that it hurts when i begin slapping myself so hard with every vulglarity coming out from my mouth? that really helped me quitted 100% of it. cherish things before we lose it, yeah, that's the only thing i can't do coz she's alrd left and there's no chance for me to cherish her anymore. Life's still gotta move on. i've done my part in this r/s, i've done whatever i could. going all the way to find her, passing her lil stuff that will help her fell better. and i guess everything, takes two hands to clap, it'll never work if i'm always the one doing it, the only one yearning to be together again.

I'm sick and tired of everything alrd, i think my paitence is ending very soon, why the hell would i wait for someone that hurted me so much? and yet she's happily leading her so-called happy life. u think u're really happy? Yes u are, and i agree to a certain extent. you're only happy when u're occupied and have too much stuffs to do. u're not when u're alone, coz ur feelings took over it, and u begin to ponder and get emotional. u call this being happy? so how many times it happens a day? prolly at least one? you know something's missing in ur life, and u know truly in ur heart, what it is.

prolly i feel it's because of pride and ego? all human beings have pride and ego, but u just don't know when to put them down my girl. i've did mine, i've put everything down, even a guy's ego, to cry infront of a girl telling her how much he loves her, asking her not to leave, and i think what i did was more like begging? so what the hell is your pride and ego all about? what's pride and ego to both of us, when we're nothing, but just a piece of shit?! you and i are not big shots in life? we come from humble family backgrounds. so there's nothing to be prideful or egoistic about.

you claim u wanna state ur stands and ur so called principles in life. you said u dont want to turn back and you wont. idk what the hell are u thinking about.. But, think about how many things u turned back in life for? ur family? ur friends? idk.. the damage has been done to me, and this so called stands and principles are also doing damage to you. and the only reason is because, prolly u still care, love or have a lil feelings for me still. and if u still wanna claim you dont, then why are u reading this in the first place? why are u at my blog? what has my emotions and my daily activities got to do with u in ur life? i've hit the right button i assume by saying all this. coz u just cant totally forget about things.

well by saying this prolly will make u not read my blog anymore? i dont care either, cause the first day i created this blog, i know u'll read it. cause u still care, and u wanna know how im doing. and by creating this blog, it's basically just for u to read up about my life. and since u wanna state to ur stands so much, hurting urself by leaving, by all means. i don't think i'll blog anymore after this post. u know truly in ur heart, i've changed and i alrd did what i suppose to do as a boyfriend to you.

nobody is perfect, u're not either. everybody makes mistakes, and the most important thing is, they don't repeat it. and that will make them perfect.

i'm being very straightforward, and i'm exactly just saying about u, i know u cant take it, cause u dont like people correcting ur mistakes. u just can't take it. press the X button at the top right hand corner then, cause im still gonna continue.

so u wanna leave so much, leave then.. no matter what it is, i believe how long it's gonna take me, prolly a few months or years, i'll get over u.. and i know truly in my heart, im a good guy. you'll get over me too, and prolly get a new guy to love u in ur life. and let me tell u this, 99.9% of the guys on Earth uses their DICKS to think, instead of their BRAINS. mayb u wont like the example im gonna quote, but it's gonna help u learn something. i can't believe u called a person "honey" before we were together. you know who im referring to, and i can't believe he wooed u, just because he wanted ur hole, to fuck u and break up with u. prolly i can say that love is blind? all the good guys are seriously dead, or taken!!! and guys nowadays are getting more cunning and smarter at achieving their goals. so u better beware.. now do u understand why i dislike going to clubs? why i dislike going together to KTVs with my friends? because i think with my BRAINS. and i think i got this point correct as well.

How about girls? do they think with their brains? NO! HELL NO! they conclude their thinkings with their emotions and feelings. and that's why in reality, girls are always weaker than guys, most of the successful people are men, and not women! so what the hell? let ur feelings and thinkings decide who u wanna be? and let it decide ur happiness? u're definitely a person like this, and please, use ur brains to think what's best for u. cause if u no longer feel for me, u wouldnt have memories washing up towards you time and time again. BRAINS alright? think about whether a guy like me is worth it to be with, giving a 2nd chance, cause i believe no guy will change like this for a girl.

and i want u to know, this post is not about psychoing u back. it's about letting u to understand urself better, and think what u're really thinking, and not let the devil in u speak. listen to ur own heart, what it really wants. NOT THE DEVIL!

you know that i've alrd done my part, i have changed, i have did everything i could and i've done my lil effort, of being a good bf. whatever i stated above, u don't have to deny, i know how u're feeling, though sometimes u claim u dont. But u know what? there's just something u can't deny, U're a terrible liar!! and i believe i got this point right, u just don't know how to lie.
so stop trying to hurt someone u really care for.

this post is basically more than words. MORE THAN WORDS, so if u dont catch what i'm saying, u better read it again. or if u're feeling VERY FUSTRATED after reading it, i suggest it's time u put down ur pride and ego, soften ur heart and read it once more with no bias feelings against me, then u'll get it right, and fill in ur missing piece.. whether it's me anot, it doesnt really matter anymore. most impt is, u read it again. and get ur answers to ur heart. Friday is ur last paper. u have breaks till then, and i suggest u spend some time doing some self-reflection again, what u really want, then u'll be able to move on..

sometimes forcing ourselves, may not be the appropiate choice we really want. cause if both come together, there's definitely bound to be a solution, and a bright future within. it doesnt matter about principles or whatever bullshit, coz if u really love a person, go all out and love him. dare to love him, and dare to face the challenges, otherwise no matter how many bfs u have in the future, u won't be happy. cause nobody's perfect. there's nothing wrong with turning back, there's nothing wrong with giving a chance to people, cause i believe u will want a chance in the future if u really screw up things, be it work or studies.

turning back does not mean u'll be unhappy, sometimes turning back could be the happiest thing we can have in our lifes. i'm saying all this because ur heart, dare not say it to u. pursue the happiness that u have right infront of u, cause good things only happens once in our lifes. just like a miracle.

again, i wanna let u know im not psychoing u back, like what u think. u need to be NEUTRAL about what i say, NEUTRAL about urself and think about whether u want me in your life. then u can get things right. and those lonely times won't have feelings that make u feel so down again. and stop thinking about the bad stuff and quarrels we have. can't u think about the happy moments we had when we were together?

i give u an example to let u understand better. if given a choice, will u want to study university? u'll say yes. but let me tell u, there are people who fail terribly there u know? then why still bother to go? cause u know u're not them, u'll prolly have to try, only by trying, u'll know whether u make it. wad im trying to say is, if u still love and have feelings, u gotta give urself a chance to make things right too, if things doesnt go well, at least we tried to be together again right? and if we really part in the future, i believe there'll definitely be no regrets in ur life, and no more emotinal feelings, cause u alrd tried. and the only reason why u're feeling like this now, it's because u're forcing urself to let go!! i believe im right again in this point. in life, there's different side of things, dont always look at the bad side. people who fail? NO! look at the people who scored well instead. there's a phrase, always look on the bright side of life. and it's true, cause the dark side, will make u feel tired, and u just don't like them.

i'm harsh at my words right? i've told u. pride and ego is nothing. Brains are something we need to really use it sometimes. i've used it, and i see a bright future together with u, not because i love u that much, it's because i used my brains to think whether u're worth it. instead of the stupid quarrels that's bothering us. i was netural throughout the whole process, and i know u're the girl, i really want. that's why im persistant, im a good guy, and i want to give u happiness.

Be neutral, and read it a 2nd time. and i hope i get an answer from you, not anytime soon, but after u've thinking about it

hope u wont cry if u're not the one in my arms in the future.

i've finally got my answer.

taikib0i