Sunday, May 31, 2009

5/31/2009 09:25:00 PM

kays, 2nd post today, first was at VE, lol, now im home. well, today's finally one of e happy days i had since 23 days ago. kinda stupid way to feel happy but yea? i had no choice. it's my only way i feel.

arnd 1pm, i cabbed down to office to do a training, but e guy didnt come. !@#$%& !!! waste of my time, i saw nobody there so i wanted to went off when i saw dominic came. haha, we had a good talk and he showed me some videos before i left. haha, i left around 6 plus, went for a haircut, then i headed home. look so handsome now. LOL =x

hello short hair! =D

my beard is growing. =x

and guess what happened when i reach home? this was sent to my house. lol, during those emo days, really spent too much till my credit card died. lol. and e bill was sent to my hse instead. =/

waa.. LOL. exploded!! =x

some of the poor lil fishes caught by me, they died in my hands. HAHAHA =D

well, i kinda like understand life better now after a talk with many people around me. hmm, let's start with myself. lol, i talked to myself. and this is not being retarded or what. Now think about it.. who is the one that u talked to the most everyday? it's you urself. so it's normal okay!! lol.

i started to like live life in my own illusion in order to make myself feel lots better and happy. yeah wad i did was to lie to myself, i imagined and visualised e future, the things we gonna do together, like outings, having meals together etc etc.. i keep thinking about the happy moments when she was with me, imaginating myself bringing her up to e place where she wanted to go most, singapore flyer, and we take pics together, having meals together, chalet with her friends, we played games, we were like so loving.... i feel kind of a retard lying to myself, but when i just think of being happy together with her, it makes me feel alot better. those who played dota u should know what's called owning, and she really OWN my life. just can't forget about her, and only lying to myself, was the only way, though it's not gonna come true.

while thinking of all this unrealistic future happy moments, i listened to a song by Jason Marz called im yours. kinda meaningful and i really feel like.. i'm hers. i mean if i'm fated not to be hers, we werent even met or get together with each other for 110 days. it's all fate. and im hers? haha, though im single now, but im not available coz only me, will want her coz im hers. lol.

Let's move on to what dominic showed me, he showed me some videos, and i thought about life. which is what we pirortise most of e time. he educated me that in life, we will never be happy, just doing one thing. let me elaborate Mr Blogspot.

In e past, for the last 2 years, all i pirortise was work. work work and work. nothing can get me off my work. when i wake up in the morning, it's VE, when i get home late at night to sleep and wake up again, It's VE. i didnt realise that around me, there are more things that i should treasure and prolly that's the reason why i lost her. it's because of the stress and work sometimes that made me flare my anger, changed my attitude and character 180 degrees, till i become like a different person. i regretted it. It was 100% my fault that i didnt manage to attach and detach, work is work, play is play. i dumped all feelings into everything i did which screw my my whole life. Till now, i felt that something was missing in my life and prolly because of work, i lost everything. Work wasnt what i should pirortise the most actually though it's important and it's my career.

i realised today that in order to live life to the fullest, we must be able to multi-task. i mean it's okay to work, and it's also okay to love what. what's wrong with loving and working at the same time? does that mean that when i love, i cannot work? NO! yeah no point talking about this now, caused i alrd lost everything but i still wanna vent my anger over here. i mean its all about time management right? i can't possibly work 24/7. having a meal with her, accompanying her for a day won't die right? time management!! i forgotten about it.

YES THIS IS THE KEY. BELOW THIS PARAGRAPH!!

Only when u have the things ur heart ponders for, u'll feel happy, and when u feel happy, can i say that we can do better at work or wadever we're dealing with cause of the happy feeling? making us concentrate better? knowing that someone's waiting just for us to do well, supporting us behind, loving us? i felt that forcing myself to work, neglecting her, will not be happy at all, cause my heart ponders for her and i should be with her, not at work. only when my heart feels happy, i can work at ease and do even better.

priortising on something too much wasnt the answer, it's about managing time and multi tasking, having enough time for everything.

god gave us 24 hrs a day for a reason. 8 hours to sleep, 8 hours to work or study, 2 hours of transportation, 2 hours of meal, 2 hours of slack, and 2 hours of spending time maybe with our love ones. But the question is, do we really sleep 8 hours a day? study 100% 8 hours a day? do we only slack 2 hours? hahaha, if u realised, we have lots of extra time, just that we don't realised it, and we didnt make full use of it. i finally got this logic right. =)

though lying to myself to make myself happy is stupid, but i feel... that's the only thing i can do right now..

If I wasn't meant to be yours, why will God let us meet in the first place? why will God planned for us to be together and had happy moments?

In order to be happy, let your heart speak, and not the devil inside you.

taikib0i

5/31/2009 05:59:00 PM

haha, im at my company now, seems bored. my agent bombed me today. lol, i feel very happy today, i've finally found a way to feel happy though it sounds stupid. haha, imma blog it out ltr when i get home.. and and and.. dominic has let me understand what are piorities in life, imma blog that out ltr too. hehehe, and i keep listening to this song by Jason Marz today, "I'm Yours". LOL
am i really urs? hahaha.. stay tuned ltr. =D

gotta go, someone's checking on me. BYE Mr Blogspot. HAHAHA!!

taikib0i

5/31/2009 01:30:00 AM

wasnt blogging yesterday, coz i was at bedok jetty.. well im not gonna say wad happen because i broke one rod, and one reel. nah it's not their fault anyway. caught around 15 palm size fishes. didnt bother to take them home cause they dont look appetising. i'll upload e photos tmr, lazy to do it now. my whole mind is emoing.

now this's gonna be emo, so if u don't wanna read it then stop here.

i went out with james juz now, to deliver a customer's stock. then met jiuyuan to watch terminator. i almost cried two times, not because the movie was touching, but because they mention one thing that i didnt get to have in my whole ENTIRE life of 20 yrs till now.

In the middle part of the movie, this guy was hugging e girl, he mentioned : every human being deserves a 2nd chance. At the end of e movie, he sacrifice his life for another, and he said, every human being deserves a 2nd chance.

But.. i didnt have it. Jesus says, ask and u'll receive. I asked for it, but i didnt have it. why bad stuff always happens to me? there are so many things that i felt life is unfair. but why is it me? do i really have to go through all this? yes it's been 22 days since we broke up, she's moved on, happily with her life. i'm still stuck. i even went to e extent of sharing my feelings to Mr Kit Tan, for advice. he's the highest ranking distributor in my company, the man that makes e most amount of money. i had no choice. i have no direction, i felt that life was totally meaningless without her.

He told me, im like a person now, with my legs tied, hands holding a bowling ball, and i'm submerged under water. i can no longer breathe, and the only way, is to let e ball go, push urself up, take a breath, go down again and untie ur legs, so u'll be free. but i can't like possibly let it go, i want to as well, but my heart doesnt allow e situation to happen. why does my brain keep thinking of her? why does my heart ponder over her so much? wad did she really do that made me love her so much?

i'll change e topic a lil, when i met james juz now, he told me. jiuyuan has still been waiting for a girl, its been close to 3 yrs. and i was like.. ???? he's definitely a good guy, he definitely went through more than me, he has seen her changed 2 bfs, i dont know what kind of impact he felt, but i know it's definitely not something good. i guess, now i know how he feels, that's why sometimes.. he choose to hide at home. im sorry jiuyuan, i didnt understand last time.

james told me more stuff, i was even more heartbroken. she thought that i was asking for her sympathy on e 2nd day we broke up, cause i was at hospital, she thought i was like wanting her to kelian me so that she'll come back to me. wtf? early in e morning, i vomitted blood, i was admitted, forced to take blood test 3 times, with my letter and my medication and i was lying? idk. i was really sick, i was suffering from hyperventilation, and i couldnt breathe properly. hell all this was a lie? check with SGH then. all i wished was her lil care and concern, i laid on e hospital bed, feeling so scared, so painful, and i just wanted her to be there for me, thats all. and i wasnt lying.

i've been emoing on my bed, i keep thinking about her, and this has been leading me to more rediculous stuff. i started looking out of my window, thinking aladin will come. he will definitely, to give me his magic lamp, so that e genie will come out and grant me a wish. i thought of e dragonball show, finding 7 dragonballs, putting them together, so e dragon will come out and grant me a wish. i just needed a wish now..

and if i had one, i'll wish that she'll come back to me. idk how to do it, she doesnt want me to talk to her, idk.. i would like to take e initative but just dont know how.

she's been trying to tell me to move on, time and time. it's not i dont want u know mr blogspot, my heart does not allow this situation to happen. i keep telling myself, ok, i'll get a girl better, and my heart stopped me. my heart's telling me, NO. she's ur girl, never betray her. never look for someone else, and i talked to myself, i tell my heart but she doesnt want me anymore, she told me to move on right? and my heart replied, if i were u, i'll wait.. till e day i die. i was like wtf? and i emoed again. idk what's wrong with me. if time will heal, i will have alrd at least recovered by half, but to be honest mr blogspot, i dont think i am feeling any better since 22 days ago. i'll stop here, idk what to say anymore.

if i had a wish, i'll want her to be back to me again.. to shower unconditioned love towards her.

我已经变了，但却已经来不急了。

taikib0i

5/29/2009 12:28:00 AM

god damn shit day i have. thursday blues i guess? i woke up early in e morning knocking my head so hard onto my computer table, i was cursing and swearing coz it's so damn painful. the song kah's noise below my house, the desperate people who are jobless bombing my phone, my alarm, my mum with the mop soap's smell. OMG, i cannot take it!

i'm so god damn shagged. i couldn't be wrong and i know today, i spoke to more than 200 people on the phone, replied countless smses. my hp could normally last 3 days of battery before i charge once, but today, half a day, it's almost flat.

my first meal was at 7pm. zzz =.=. ate chicken chop. and together with my collegues we had our meal, with cynthia, liana, jiuyuan, jeremy. and guess what? i forgot to ta bao mac and im damn hungry now. tmr's gonna be twice as busy as today and i'm so gonna die. but well, success doesnt come easy, and im glad, im really working hard for it. =)

life's all about making decisions, and not regretting them...

taikib0i

5/27/2009 10:58:00 PM

was a damn tiring day today, prolly coz it's been long since i got back to work and i can't get used to it. LOL, ms chelsy's gonna screw me if she sees this. Woke up at 8am in e morning because so many ppl are smsing me, and guess wad? when i finally woke up at 11am, 152 pending smses. LOL, 152!! omg damn!

headed down to office sleepily, and did all e work i could, ended around 6pm and after i finished, i didnt wait for my bros. i went off myself, too tired. aww.. and guess wad? shit, tmr there's 7 appointments i need to run and god damn shit, im damn tired. friday night i still have to go fishing. OMG LAH, long time since i fished at bedok jetty, imma gonna get some good catches till morning before i go home, gonna take lots of pictures too, and it's my first time fishing with dominic! lol. cant wait.. hahahaha!!

and and and... if tmr everything goes well, yeah! i can re-start my car incentive alrd!! woohoo! i'm so gonna get my car lah, 20 yrs old soon in 5 mths time and i still don't have my own car, damn sad.. sick of taking buses and mrt, distance is soo freaking long and i couldnt take it sometimes.

Life's not too bad recently, had been forcing myself to move on and yes i did, a lil. hahaha, and i felt a whole lot better now. gonna continue my life with my career and once i get my car, i'll definitely take a short break overseas to japan! woo! life's definitely lonely, prolly i need a partner, to talk to me, and to love me, care for me.. soon soon ya? i'll meet my new girl and i hope so, but i'm so afraid i'll not be able to love again, but well i guess? when e time comes, then see how. =)

i just wished... i could turn back time, to make things better for my career, and my life..

taikib0i

5/26/2009 11:00:00 PM

bad day, vomitted when i woke up. those white stuff again, zz. im not getting well, plus there's blood. lol. but i didnt bother much, i still went to e gym tday, was damn tired, 45 mins of work-out today immediately k.o. me. walau, then i left my bro there, i went to some void deck below to take a break, and i saw something strange, and today, i gained some new knowledge.

a cat eating grass. =/
omg im not joking, i went there after it left, there's no meat or nth. lol.

opps, it saw me took its photo. =/

and e code for tday: in life, it's always ups and downs, no such thing as always up, no such thing as always down. As long as u did ur best, u're good. Life is a journey, enjoy the process. =)

good night. =)

taikib0i

5/26/2009 12:13:00 AM

It's a fine monday, to others, it's like monday blues, omg i got sch. omg i got work. HAHA, i woke up at 1pm. LOL, i have no blues. hahaha, was intending to go gym but change of plans, tmr instead.. coz today my bro got extra lessons in sch. aww, poor him. And so, i headed my way down to my 2nd home at 190 changi road. VE!

hahaha, and i became e soundman for slideshow lah. lol. tell u, it's damn funny, mschelsy loaded e company theme song in e start, but she forgot to save. then they intro liao, i couldn't play it lah, walau like 100 people waiting for me, i behind kan chiong like hell, then all e BGM start coming in to see and say, EH WHY COCK UP? LOL. i faster find another disk to replace it. omg damn embarassing. =x well, i was enjoying inside as well. took some photos. =D

the soundroom look so old fashion, thanks dom for ur lappy! =D

and Benard, u really suck full time for delaying it, u know what i mean, and i hope u see this.

taikib0i

5/24/2009 11:07:00 PM

let's see, hmm, i woke up around 3pm. wooo!! i have no sch, i have no work, but i have money! HAHAHA. im enjoying life like im retired but this gonna end 2 days later. its been 3 months since i last worked. lol, i think i enjoyed enough, suffered enough and tues, im gonna go back to VE fulltime. =)) i'll take e first 10 days to build my organisation as planned, and June, July, August, i'll hit my car, september i'll be driving!! HAHAHA! this is the car i'm cfm getting. =D

OMG IT'S SO DAMN NICE!! HAHAHA, u're gonna be my new baby! =D

and today's supper was good too, had some aunty's bar chang(dumpling), from my mum's church friend, omg it's super nice i tell u, i ate 2, but i feel like eating 20. LOL, and i fry a whole wok of potatoes. i eat like a dinosaur. =x
and i'm full now.. and satisfied. =D

after 15 mins, the dumplings became like this. LOL!

the most healthy drink on Earth! COKE! =x

and tmr's gonna be a boring day again, gonna go to the gym myself because my bro's not free, awww. working out alone is boring, but i'll do it. discipline yea? HAHAHA!

good night! =)

taikib0i

5/24/2009 01:07:00 AM

well, i have nothing to do, so im blogging like crazy.. another post. after a long thought, i realised 7 factors will my gf left me.

1st- we stayed too far, she's damn tired of travelling over.
2nd- i have no education, she prolly thinks people around her may look down on me, feels i dont suit her.
3rd- i have no cert, she's prolly afraid that next time, i will have no income, i cannot give her a good life.(because i'm not doing well now)
4th- we both talked too much which end up quarrelling, soiling e relationship.
5th- She thinks we're not suitable because we don't like e same likings for things.
6th- she feels i dont trust her enough.
7th- she can't cope love and studies at the same time.

Well, not only i thought about e factors, i've also thought about e solutions. though yea i know chances of her coming back to me is like 0%, at least i did crack my brain for e past 15 days.

1st- we stayed too far, she's damn tired of travelling over.

Singapore is small, yes sometimes we get irritated by the travelling time, because we have to wait for the bus, omg its so crowded, omg the sun's so hot. e worse thing is during night time when u wanna go home, omg, so long journey back. so tired. shit. well, u're not coming here everyday what. most of e time, i go over to find u, in fact u'll afraid u'll gonna take bus for e rest of ur life? if that's e case, i shall assure you over here NO. lol, i'm on pratical test and i'll get my license in a few months. i can afford, i have nth, i just have too much money. even if u stayed thailand, i'll be soo willing to drive there everyday, just to see u. distance makes e heart fonder. and i feel, we'll get married in e future wad, we'll be staying under the same roof, then why not enjoy something u wont get to in e future? i mean if u want to see fruits, u have to do e labour. just like u wanna score good results, u gotta work hard. isnt that e same logic?

2nd- i have no education, she prolly thinks people around her may look down on me, feels i dont suit her.

well, my parents looked down on me as well, i'm a poly dropped out. i have no education. so what? does that mean im stupid? i don't know how to study? NO! i scored 13 points, above avg in all polys, i can study, just that i choose an alternate path, my parents keep comparing my sis and me, my sis studies in london, she's e 3rd smartest in spore therefore sponsored by e govt. she says my sis is better, they're damn bias. but at e end of e day, i gave her e most allowance. =/
even if u have e highest qualification, if ur character fails you, u're nothing. people around you, will only look down on me, when im not able to give u a good life, letting u feel stressed and vex-ed over bills and debts, PLUS I NO CERT.. then yes, they will. coz im useless, a piece of shit!
but they're not gonna look down on me, if i can give u a good life. that's e main point.

3rd- i have no cert, she's prolly afraid that next time, i will have no income, i cannot give her a good life.(because i'm not doing well now)

2nd and 3rd point almost e same, yes going to sch to study for personal experience, exposure and knowledge is GOOD. but who the hell taught singaporeans to use their cert in e future to earn money? does ur teacher teach u that? does ur principal teach u that? does ur friend teach u that? whatever path we take in life, at e avg age of 25, everybody will have e same goal which is $. am i right? well, business do fruculate, i can't always be doing well, but at least i can still feed u and myself, and i still have a long way to go.. sometimes, to be honest, from e start i made a wrong decision by showing u i alrd have high income, thats why sometimes i acted damn poor. if u noticed. i can always do well if i want to. cert is not everything. if bill gates can become e whole's richest man when he's a 0 lvl drop out, when walt disney gone bankcrupt and became sucessful at e age of 50, when colombus (KFC founder), started his business at e age of 50 succeeded, why cant i? there's no difference between them and me, im human so they are. if they can make it, so can i.

4th- we both talked too much which end up quarrelling, soiling e relationship.

i agree to a certain extent sometimes, we can't agree on things, thats why we quarrelled. and i've come to a conclusion of e quarrels, it's because, both of us, we're just PLAIN LAZY. now think about it, sometimes we cant decide what we want, where to go, we end up quarrelling, idk how to say, but ya, we're just lazy. not willing to go e extra mile for the party that we love. i feel that sometimes quarrels are good, but bad as well. they're good if we quarrelled about US, they're not good if we quarelled about something else like food, lifestyle etc. after we quarrelled once, u said u love me soo much and u repeated it 3 whole days. u see? that's e difference. different types of quarrels. but i feel that if u can't take all this, u shldnt even agreed to be with me from e start, coz u've hurt me seriously now.

5th- She thinks we're not suitable because we don't like e same likings for things.

who the hell has the same taste bud? same childhood experience? same lifestyle? well, im not ur brother. im ur boyfriend. we grew up differently and definitely through our childhood, e things we did, or we ate made us like something or dislike something. how do u expect me to like everything u eat? LOL. and does that really matter in a relationship? because we dont like e same things? kinda wierd dont u feel? if that's one of ur reason. im not cloned from you. i grew up with a silverspoon and definitely, no single person on Earth can have e same character and personality, and we both has no personality or character clash. infact if u wanna say this, i can say we're more like a couple. both hot-headed. =x
im not a professor, and i dont know how to explain or give u an example of a clash, i suggest u read up if u wanna know more information. having different likings is good, u get to know me better, why i love this kind of stuff, u get to try e stuff i like, i get to try urs to, thats wad we're suppose to go through, a whole new experience with someone we love. exploring their lifes deeper, isnt that how it should be?

6th- she feels i dont trust her enough.

put all ur money into ur lecturer's bank then. ur parents, ur house, everything u've got. i bet u wont do that! take a look at a business point of view, will u pass all ur money to someone u juz knew less than a yr? trust is something that we cannot deny it cannot be controlled. it can only be stengthened through obstacles, and through journeys we gone through together. different situations we explored. cannot be yay tan kaili, i love u, so yeah, i be tgr with u lor, i 100% trust u liao, all my asset u take lor. keep in ur bank okie? got such stuff meh? nobody in e right sense of mind will do that right? and prolly after knowing her 5yrs, marrying alrd, u'll not mind doing that right? u get my point? and trust is not talking about money only. most of e times in r/s, we dont trust one another because of e opposite sex. i dont call that not trusting that person, i call that worrying for e person. like u said, if u went to cycle and go weixi hse stay, i wouldnt have called and sms u so much, even if its only you and him, tgr, i'll also trust him, not because i know him long enuff, but at least i know who he is, what kind of person he is. there u go.

7th- she can't cope love and studies at the same time.

u've got to learn how to multi task what! i'm not somebody who has super high protective wall, and not somebody unreasonable asking u to 24/7 keep me company. i'll state a few senarials.

friends and families, when u're with friends, u play ur role as a friend, when u're at home, u play ur role as a daughter, as a sister. in sch, u play ur role as a student.

actually to be frank, u can cope love and studies, im not trying to act smart here but think about it, how many subjects u took when u're in secondary sch? at least 8 !! u can cope with 8 stuff, u cant cope with 2? im not a subject, u dont have to study me, i am understanding, and u dont have to purposely pick up time to study me, or i should say accompany me, i won't run away right? i love u, u can spend time with me when u're free.. im just a person to give u extra encouragement, to be there for u when u're down, to love u, and to care and make ur life work out 100%.
all about multi-tasking.

idk, mayb its just my assumption again.

well, im finally done, and i felt love is something that cannot be explained, gauged, measured or judged. love is blind, and for wadever that has happened, lim li long jason will conclude to himself,

there is no true love in the world.

taikib0i

5/24/2009 12:26:00 AM

well, i really dont know why the hell u treat me like this, ingore me and stuff. idk, things just happened so fast and it's alrd 15 days, but everyday i still think of you 24/7. u can't just get off my mind. idk, i just can't. i prolly loved u too much, gave u everything u wanted for, even my heart. maybe it's because u're still young? u don't understand love? idk.. i'm feeling so vexed everyday.

i don't know what to do with my life. to work, or not. to move on or not. i'm feeling damn terrible, that's all i know. u claimed u loved me so much e other time for e past 3 days, those love arent worth a chance to give me at all? then what am i? ur toy? a companion for u during ur sch holidays, and once sch starts, u're busy, u chuck me off crying, feeling soo hurt like nobody's business?

i went all the way down from my home, to changi airport, to pass u 1 slap of panadol. the travelling hours took me 4hrs to and flo. i don't expect u to feel touch, i just expect some care and concern, and u didnt even say a thank you, when u met me, u look so fustrated. i didn't owe u a million bucks. I am somebody once who was with u, loving u, caring for u.. i know we had quarrels, which mayb soiled e relationship, but isnt that something couples must go through? like chris and boon? like vivi and james?

idk, i'm just so vex-ed. everything in my life for e past 15 days is all about u, i went to pray for u, ur headache, ur results. every moment of my life, TAN KAILI, u have never once disappeared. i told myself to move on, i tell myself, jason lim. she does not love u, just move on okay? find a new gf, go back work, establish ur career. but i just cant, telling myself to get a gf will be meaningless, coz i wont love her. i cant work, my WHOLE MIND is thinking about u, how do u expect me to concentrate? well, u can't deny u really screw my life. But i'm not blaming you for it, infact, i should salute you, no girls ever make me love them so much, vex and think over them so much, promised them stuff. i nvr once promise i'll stick to a girl forever, love them forever, i promised u, i'm fulfilling them. i've alrd changed for e better, even though we may not be couples again, why can't u treat me like a normal friend? everytime i try talk to u, u tell me ttyl. are u really that busy? u tell me im going sleep, good night. but u didn't. u're just avoiding me. u avoid me beacuse u're afraid u'll love me back? or u avoid me because u really hate me so much? i know one of e reasons u left me is because u'll feeling tired of e quarrels, and e tiredness is not letting u able to cope with sch and love at e same time, but i'm like changed? in this whole r/s, u said before, u gonna give me 3 chances, for everything i did wrongly, i saved e sms, but u didnt even gave me one? i don't believe u totally don't love me 100%, totally 100% no feelings. u're really hard-hearted, cold-blooded. u just want me out of ur life so u'll feel better, everything is about u, then what about me? we were once together, can't u make me live life happily? why do u have to do this to me? i feel like i'm being played out by you, a toy to u, when u've done using me, i go into the bin. now think about it, idk wad to say, but i really hope u can think.. OPEN UP UR BRAINS AND THINK!

and if u really don't love me, no feelings, then why are u viewing my blog everyday?

Conclusion:
-u made a person love u so much, and u just ditch him and forget about everything.
-u gave him empty promises which really led him into a delimma.
-u made him felt like a toy.
-u hurt a person feelings so much that god has seen it, u'll have ur karma.
-u made him almost commit suicide.
-u led him to depression that he has to be on medication now.
-u really hurt a good guy.
-u let go an extinct species of guys that u'll never ever find, trust me. i know who i am.

ever since u stepped into my life, my heart has no more space for other girls. i really love u alot, please, take me back when u're feeling better, i'll always be waiting.

wfvk=15 days.
W-aitng F-or V-itamin K-aili = 15 days.

i'll love u, my whole lifetime.

taikib0i

5/23/2009 10:54:00 PM

nth much today, woke up at 1pm, went to gym with my bro again, cool man. today didnt had lots of people, managed to do as much as possible. hahaha! while, on e way back, i thought of something for v long, reasons about something. imma not going out tmr, so i'll post tmr, now no mood. zz. goodbye and sweet dreams! =)

taikib0i

5/22/2009 11:28:00 PM

i stayed at home for e whole day today. LOL, almost been rotting, did recruitment. hahaha!! next week wed thurs fri sat i will have 100 new agents, gonna be busy making tons of money again, going for my car incentive. lol.. played quite a few games, and thought quite a long time..

i thought of these phrase : Everybody will wake up their idea, it's just a matter of time.

and for me, i choose to wake up my idea now, not worth it anymore. in life, there are better things to go for.. be it is it gonna be career, studies, monentary gains etc etc.. rather than to stay on, pondering on something thats gonna be of so little hope, well it's not always my loss, it's your loss as well.

歌舞全明魔斗自，酒柔美女失江山

let me explain,

歌舞全明魔斗自 : to slack, sing, play, and to wander ur life.

.

酒柔美女失江山 : excessive of abusing alcohol, luxury food, especially woman, will make u lose everything u have in life.

well, i felt everything was true, to ponder anymore longer, i'll lose my existing downlines that i have, i'll lose my career, lose everything. It was already a big mistake to get into a relationship during car incentive, it's time to wake up and move on.. =)

goodbye old jason, new jason's coming.. =D

apologies for e untidy font, I CANNOT CHANGE. zzz !!

nevertheless, i'll still wait for you, no matter what, as promised. =)

taikib0i

5/21/2009 07:34:00 PM

heya, 21st of may! lol, this day definitely brought me up lots of memories.. sweet ones, bitter ones. Sometimes i feel, i ought to cherish what i have, before i lose them. Because, we can never unplant a tree.

Woke up around 7am, jogged to cck stadium, went to the gym and jogged back. lol can u imagined that? hahaha. Exercising keeps us fit, and im so gonna love my body in a week's time. =D

went home and bathed, then i went to airport to meet lil girl. She was having a serious headache so i wanted to pass her something that definitely could help, that i previously sold over 200+ pieces. but she was reluctant to use it. aww. anyway i passed her a few panadols, hope it could help and those lil gifts in e bag was for her to overcome her cravings during night time. =)
i left her back with her friends after that and i went to Ah Wang Cafe to eat myself. The food there is damn nice lah, especially e laska. i had laska and ice lemon tea. I had not much appetite, only ate a few mouths and i left.
After that, i bus-ed 858 to woodlands and 960 to my home.

i've eaten it halfway. =x

i wished those lil seconds of seeing you, will never end.. u melt my heart everytime and then...

taikib0i

5/21/2009 12:30:00 AM

sorry for being vulglar, this fucking cb flew into my room, it camped at my survey papers, and i waited for like 5 mins for it to come down, it started flying around and i was like.... HELP!!! and it landed on my bed, i took a whole stack of papers and slammed it, sweeped it to the floor, and this is what it looks like now. DEAD! =/

U're DEAD!

i changed my whole bedsheet alrd. LOL, damn lil cockroach, spoilt my nice 20th of may, u ruined it, and i ruin ur life, ur life is over! HAHAHA! and guess wad, when i was taking the picture, the flash suddenly come out lah, wtf the cockroach become so bright i got shock, i thought it was still alive and i dropped my phone. zzz =(

in conclusion, i hate flying insects. though im a "big" guy. =x

taikib0i

5/20/2009 11:31:00 PM

well, hmmm, today was kinda a good day. woke up at 2pm, bathed and ate "ALONE" myself below my house, thanks to 2 good friends who ate themselves at keat hong shopping centre. =.=!! Met at pending lrt and we took 966 to office together. lol. Has been 2 months since i just went VE, back to office again but right now in the team, my BM group still have e highest turnover! LOL! ahh, nothing to be proud about, i'm gonna turn e table around, and push mako to e top of e company again. =)

had been waiting for tmr to come soo much, 21st.. but nevertheless, all hopes were shattered after e rejection on e SMS, however, life still gonna move on. I feel it doesnt matter to me anymore whether I have her in my life, but definitely, having her is gonna be a bonus to me, coz i love her lots yea? hahaha! =p

headed home arnd 8 plus, james sponsored cab. LOL, i pay 5 bucks though. haha, thats sooo worth it. hahaha! i played maple with my bro, and ate 20 nuggets, 1 potato and a rami burger for supper. i'm going to put on lots of weight, lost 5kg for e past one week. hee =x. and i'm gonna be e fittest guy, in one month's time, watch out of my photo. =D

Whereever you are, just remember, I'm just a phonecall away. Everything is possible, as long as you believe!!

taikib0i

5/19/2009 11:07:00 PM

stayed at home the whole day today except in e morning, was listening to songs, playing e damn guitar. lol. too tired to go out, body aches, lifted weight, went jogging in e morning. lol, im leading a healthy and rewarding lifestyle. i feel damn fit and muscular now! =D
but yet to get back to the lifestyle i had in e past again. trying to put myself back into momentum for VE again. =D

had shark's fin soup for dinner, but eeeee, is those kind pasa malam 3 bowl $5 one. LOL, it's cheap luh, but it tasted damn good, i finished up everything till e bowl is dry. but i didnt lick e bowl hor! =x
ytd's supper was also cool, i cooked potatoes myself, i baked them, and i'm eating them again now. LOL. having cravings for potatoes these few days. hahaha!!

My delicious shark's fin soup. =/

I baked them myself!! =D

Plus a soyabean milk. LOL!! (",)

didnt really much enjoy my day, wad pretty boring, but well, tmr i may be going to tampines to find one of my friend. YAY!!

it's always better to have you in my life.....

taikib0i

5/18/2009 10:18:00 PM

on 09/05/09, 1.14a.m, this is what happened in KK hospital. We were like working in e 24hrs women clinic, so funny to see pregnant woman trying to give birth but cant coz its at e wrong spot. hahaha, and i realised smth. when they are about to give birth, its pain, yes. but its totally bearable, none of them screamed and shouted like what TV dramas always show, so kua zhang sia television. lol. some of them water bag burst still can joke and laugh with me. HAHA, though aunty i dont remember u, but thanks for ur joy and laughter that cheered me up! =D
we worked night shift, every night is so bored, no paitents, totally stoning. we played chess, watch movies, sleep till 7am in e morning. lol. we even designed our own game. HAHA, not board game, is wall game! LOL!!

Health Screening manager. siao siao. LOL =x

was getting tired, so i played with e mask. =/

i covered it with my eyes and slept awhile. =)

my mouth opened bigger and bigger, sleeping mah, cannot control. LOL

and i suddenly have beautiful eyes, thanks whoever did that. =s

julian was sleeping face down, so we cant disturb him. =(

hardworking future health screening director. LOL!

our basketball match in e hospital. i designed halfed of it. =D

well, those days were enjoyable.. i missed them. but i'll be looking forward to the future, thanks for everything my buddies! =)

*felt like a fool, whatever i did for you, wasn't in the least, appreciated at all.

taikib0i

5/14/2009 06:56:00 PM

yay, 2nd post today.
LOL, basically i got nothing to do, and i need to keep myself busy before i start to think and emo again. hahaha!=p
past few days was fun, every night was like M and M, its not chocolate, that's e kid version, e adult version is martell and marlboro. LOL. had lots of fun, i took some pictures though they're abit blur, but still can see. haha, im changing to e duno 8 or 12 megapixel phone soon, lots of money now. haha! and that night, there were 2 drunkards, ivan and jason ong, i was drunk too at e beginning, then i lay on e bed and cry. LOL, imagine a ktv room has a bed in it. HAHAHA! well, having such an environment is not cheap, we spent around $3,000. LOLLOL!!!! i did nth on e bed. so dont anyhow think. im super clean =D

photos on my previous stupid job at KK hospital will be up soon, THEY'RE DAMN FUNNY. STAY TUNED!! when i get discharged out of hospital, i'll post them! juz hope i survive! =D

My favourite brand of cigarette! =D

3 televisions in e room, this is only one part, the
other part didnt manage to took a picture. aww.. =(

U see e 2 big bottles? $1,200 each. LOL. =x
its called tua pao. LOL.

taikib0i

5/14/2009 06:39:00 PM

heya, haha. went to bugis today, was supposed to meet her at 2.30pm, but i reached at 3.30pm instead.. i woke up late, vomited then i left my house, lol. forgot to set alarm clock. thats why late. ahahaha..

we went to buy a drink first, e honeydew drink sucks lah, taste like shit no wonder so cheap $1.50. =.=.. main objective today is to go to waterloo street. haha, we went there to pray, i went there to asked for advice and pray to god. had fun though, and after that we went to eat mini wok noodle, i ate like 5 mouths only, still no appetite, and otw home while i was walking, i vomited everything out again. LOL. been 5 days, e only thing that i think digested was half a bowl of noodles, and 2 char siew bau, omg condition's getting worse.

well, im like 14 hours away from my operation, please wish me luck whoever who sees my post alright? haha, i need all e luck i could have 48% chance only. woo! well, i took some photos otw to bugis and i folded a flower myself at the temple!!

thanks fufeng, my lil downline for ur companion. =)

Otw there, it's 2 more stops from here. lol. =x

I FOLDED MYSELF. PLEASE SAY IT LOOKS NICE! =D

i look ugly in this pic. =/

A night view from my lil cosy room. =D

taikib0i

5/13/2009 02:11:00 PM

im trying to get back to my expertise on being a guitarist. haha, sounds fun, a whole new life, new experience..

taikib0i

5/13/2009 12:54:00 PM

hahaha, i juz did e stupidest thing i thought i'll ever do in my life, which is to blog.. well, i've always read people's blog and their feelings, and i think i'll feel MUCH better if i can express my feelings as well ya?

well, i think this is a bad start off, becoz my first post will be a sad one. LOL. i juz got a break up with my girlfriend.. 3 months and 10 days, which adds up to a 110 day relationship juz ended like this.. well, it's my fault. mayb im not good enough? i did cherish what i had? i took things for granted.. perhaps..

I TELL U. the pain killed me almost 3 days.. haha, for my first 3 girlfriends that i had lasted a few yrs of relationship, this is my shortest one, yet the most painful one. those relationship i had which counted a few years, took me an hr to forget about everything, but alamak, this one.. its been 4 days, every moment i keep thinking that's why i think i should blog. lol.

I felt that in this relationship, i really felt love and care. its so much different. the other 3 are juz like making use of me, or want my money. i wouldn't mention her name, but she did her every best to make things right for me, she cooked for me, and its her first time cooking. we breezed together at harbourfront vivocity, looking at the ships and enjoying the wind, we walked home from pasir ris, and many happy moments happened in between, we ate, laughed, hugged, kissed and even wrestle together! everything she could do, she made me felt the most happiest person on earth, i always told myself that work is my first pirority, i must have a career, but after 62 days, my prospect of life changed, she was my everything, even my first priority, i just realised that without her, it'll kill me. and it really did, can u imagine i cried, vomited and suffered for 3 days without food and sleep? sounds a lil exaggerating, (idk hw to spell), but well, its true.. it could maybe be because of e promises she made me, like i'll never leave u no matter what happens, which gave me a sense of security that i could once again do stupid things. HAHA, like quarrels and disturbing her, anyw at that point of time, my mindset was, wadever i do, she wouldnt leave me.. and well, i understand this logic now, promises are meant to be broken. =/ i took things for granted. we had lots of first time together.. and i really appreciate her alot alot..

it happened a night when i was at work at KK hospital, because of the nurses and doctors frantically slamming their patience on me, there was a pregnant woman, giving birth alrd but no potrals. portals are the people who push them into the correct place to give birth, and there was a girl, 17, who came in a police car, i was shocked. i asked ok, so what are u suffering from, the policewoman replied me, rape case. i was super stunt lah, but i acted normal. she was merely drugged and raped by a few guys when they organised a bbq at one guy's place. then i was like.. OMG my gf.. LOL, she's having night cycling and going to a guy's house ltr, of course lah, which ever guy had my kind of experience, would be scared, afraid wad. lol, they cfm call their gfs, if they're in this situation. wad happens if they dont pick up? of course u panic. u kan chiong, u say wrong things, and well, i paniced, i spammed her fake miss calls, many of them, to show i care. i did lots of stupid things that night, all i knew i wanted was to hear that she was safe, then i'll feel alright. i lost my mind, send stupid smses, gave stupid calls. paniced too much and she left me. OMG, which will relate to you in my next paragraph why i hit myself. lol

i slapped myself for e past 3 nights, i hit my head with my hands so hard that my mum asked me in e middle of e night, whats that sound? can u stop it? i need to sleep!! all they care, is about themselves, never about me, even when i was hospitalised.. i agree that i find it too difficult to move on, it mayb because i need someone to love me and care for me, we smsed each other infact everyday, we talked on msn, we had phone calls, we had everything which made me felt so loved and suddenly i lost everything in a night. idk what happened but the her i knew, was no longer there anymore. i broke out into tears..

i tried my best to move on, to forget her after the day we had a heart to heart talk below her block, she told me that she DONT LOVE ME anymore. she told my friend i love jason, its me. but she told me it was because of my attitude and character. idk which is the truth, thats why i've been pondering and irritating her the past few days, i wanted an answer, its not justified for me, i put in so much into the relationship, and if u said u did as well, i trust u. u did put in ur 100% for the past 2mths and 3 weeks, but after that, u didnt anymore because of the small lil quarrels we had, if u really put in so much, is it so hard to just give me a chance? idk. FUCK IT. idk whether its true, but i know its not. she just need her space, her freedom, she's too exhausted from this relationship, and i know my stand. i tried to forget, i went clubbing, dance and drank like nobody's business, vomitted even worse after that due to my critial condition now. =/ i felt its the only way i can forget things, i get soo drunk, so high, and everyday to me was M and M, martell and marlboro. LOL. but it didnt work out, early in the morning when i woke up, its still her in my mind again. wadever i do, and see, its her. even when i accompanied my friend jason, who has the same name as me, to buy a birthday cake, i think of her, her birthday. i looked at water bottles, and i thought she needed one in e past. nothing can shift her off my mind. NOTHING.

and i believe she has the same feelings too, im still in her mind, im a business manager, not trying to boast but i can read humans behaviour, and thinking, thats why im at my position. during lectures and breaks, she's thinking of me. when she studys, before she get into the topic, she thinks of me, before she tell herself STOP IT, MOVE ON!. when she's home, she thinks of me.
( they are just all my assumptions.)

i felt we were like forced to leave each other though both parties are really reluctant, but she seems firm. like always before.. i dont believe others, i only believe in myself, because there can be miracles when we believe.. i loved her too much.. and well, i wont bother her, and i hope she's able to move on smoothly, get on with life.. i sincerely wishes her all e best, and no matter where she is, i hope that one day she's down, she knows LIM LI LONG JASON, is just a phonecall away.

i promised to be there- and i will.
i promised to be the last guy- and i will.
i promised to take care and love u- and i will.

hope she's good, but for me. aww.. operation in 2 days time. 12 hr thrachea operation, there's a hole in there, idk who digged my throat but yeah, it needs to be repaired through oral operation, because there's not enough oxygen going around my body, due to e hole, and e operation will 95% kill me. they're gonna oral me! LOL. (eh, im clean. =x) 15th of may, 8am, 12 hour operation, idk who will wish me luck, who will be with me, but it doesnt matter anymore, im once again, leaving in my own world, alone, lonely, suffering e previous incidents' pain, and i call myself taikibOii.

thanks james and vii for being with me when im down, i love u guys.. =)

last but not least, thanks chris and baby for this clips.

taikib0i