It's completely impossible to find a girl that won't hurt me. So I'll instead go for the girl who will make the pain worthwhile

Friday, August 19, 2011

8/19/2011 03:04:00 PM

Sometimes things are just like this.. I'm not psychically tired, but mentally tired. And having this place to rant out my thoughts, I felt it's the best thing I can do to get things out from the bottom of my heart.

I guess this issue isn't gonna be about trust anymore. Only if she'll be able to put herself into my shoes, she'll know how heartbroken I am. To be avoided by someone whom u loved so much, and worse still, not knowing what's happening. If you don't voice out, u don't mention a single word to me and post funny stuff, isn't it logical for me to start having wild imaginations? I don't know your point of view for avoiding but if hiding can solve problems, then continue to hide.

Lately things hasn't exactly been a bed of roses for us, we've been quarreling so much more than usual. Just like what you said, it has somehow already turned into a daily routine, making us all sick and tired. Together with patience stretching thin, we're wearing thin.
When we argue, you'll walk away and I'll chase. Comparing you and my pride, you weigh so much more.. For an egoistic male like me to put down my pride to chase you, need I say more?
And because of both of us having this pride and ego ingoring each other waiting for the other party to kick off the ball with a text message, look how things are the way now?

Your answer came as a shock to me. Maybe that's why I was upset. I guess I expected a little more reaction out of you. Not entirely a huge hooha, but maybe just a little bit more.. How about putting yourself in my shoes? Maybe you'll see it the way I did.

I was angry. Angry because you've finally made your decision. When you told me about your decision, it was something that I couldn't believe. It seemed.. surreal. Because throughout everything that I've been through for the past 8 months, you've been there throughout it all. You've proved to me time and time again about the things you've said, and that you really meant them. But above all these rage and anger, I felt something else.

I was disappointed. Disappointed through and through. Disappointed because you never had the courage to tell me face front, nor did you ever replied back when I asked for an answer. Just an answer, that was all I asked for. It's hard to believe what a state we are in now, considering the fact that we used to do anything and everything together, the fact that we could be totally open with each other and not bother about what the opposite party would think; much less the world.

They say "Be strong because days will get better. It might pour hard but it won't rain forever." And like always, I've rebounded and here I am, better than ever, moving on with my own life, doing my own things. But then again, there are days that I think back and I can't help but to feel so.. unjustified. Feels like this wasn't fair in the first place, when did I even get a chance to fight for what was mine?

It really sucks when you miss that person so much that you look through the old photos, old text messages, even old statuses. And it brings a smile to your face, but then the hurt comes back and you know you shouldn't be looking back, but you couldn't help it because they really meant something to you and you thought it would lasted.

Looking back doesn't mean that I still need you. I miss you, I miss having you in my life, I miss having someone like you to talk to - irregardless of the topic. I miss you, the old you. But above all of these, guess what? I'm stronger now, I'm more independent ever since the day you've made up your mind and the day that I knew priorities had changed. Because of this, I swore to myself that I'd never let anything like this happen again.

I guess giving each other time isn't the priority anymore. If I give you time, who will give it to me? Considering the fact that I'm starting work soon, I cannot be distracted, I cannot be self-centered, I cannot be a loser. I had gave you much more time for yourself. How about giving me time and an answer now?

And after all that I've said;

I give a fuck, I give LOTS OF FUCK.

taikib0i

Cool, I'm 21yrs old.
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